Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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