So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
