adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
