i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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