and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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