I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
