If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
