My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
