So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
