Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
