Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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