im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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