Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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