does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
