she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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