i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
