So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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