Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
