That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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