Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
pray to the hookup gods
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
