My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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