Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
