I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
is wine microwaveable?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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