You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
