It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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