I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
