Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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