to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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