its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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