this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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