I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
