3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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