Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
