is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You smell like stripper and shame
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
