you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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