Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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