He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
