you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
