You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
