I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I need to stop coming to work sober
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
