Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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