This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
