Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
