Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
