Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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