I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
