Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
