i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
