Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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