were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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