Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
