last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
you will always have a special place in my vag
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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