Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
