I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
