went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
