Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
