I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
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