Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
